Not That There's Anything Wrong With SpongeBob...
By Marni Soupcoff
By now you may have heard about the controversy surrounding a new music video aimed at kids. I haven't seen it yet, but since it apparently involves children's characters SpongeBob SquarePants, Bob the Builder, and others getting down to that that classic disco tune "We Are Family," I think I'd prefer to stay uninformed. And other people are vocally backing up my decision, if for entirely different and, if I may be so bold, pretty odd reasons.
Some groups, including Focus on the Family, are criticizing the new video, not for being an insufferable assault on the senses (which would probably be a valid complaint), but because they think it is a covert pro-homosexual message, designed to brainwash kids. This seems like a bit of stretch, though I confess that to anyone who considered it, SpongeBob's sexuality would probably be hard to pin down.
But how many small children would consider it? Which leads me to wonder, why the relatively new paranoia about children's characters being gay? Before SpongeBob, the incomparably bizarre Teletubby Tinky Winky came under fire for perceived gayness because he (it?) carried a purse. It's confusing to me that people give kids so much credit. The little tykes in question have enough trouble managing simple things like going potty unassisted and remembering the lyrics to "Ring Around the Rosey." What makes people think they will pick up on nuances like Bob the Builder wielding his hammer with a stereotypically limp wrist?
The trend also confuses me in other ways. The assumption that homosexuality can be accurately determined (or even telegraphed) through cues like men carrying purple handbags or speaking effetely would not hold up well in real life. There are plenty of homosexuals who defy gay stereotypes in dress and manner and plenty of heterosexuals with lisps and a penchant for design. So, the exercise is silly to begin with. But if you're going to indulge in the nonsense, why pick on SpongeBob and Tinky Winky when there were so many other candidates for years and years before?
Take the characters I grew up watching. I don't remember people freaking out over Casper the Friendly Ghost's sexuality, despite his signature high-pitched voice and delicateness. And Bert and Ernie on "Sesame Street" shared a place together for goodness sakes--you'd think they would have been "outed" long before concerns arose about Tinky Winky's choice of accessories. I suppose the only difference is that those religiously opposed to homosexuality feel far more under fire now than they did 25 years ago.
That is understandable, since freedom of religion has been relegated to a place far behind freedom from religion in today's society. But overreacting by blowing a gasket over cheesy let's-all-just-love-each-other music videos featuring sexually ambiguous cartoon characters does not do much for the cause. When news of Focus on the Family's condemnation on the "We Are Family" video (and SpongeBob's guilty role therein) made the rounds at my Canadian office, one of my colleagues looked at me and said, "I know you lived there, but you've got to admit, Americans are really weird."
I think what he really meant was, "American conservatives are really weird," but was too polite to go that far knowing my own political and ideological proclivities. But I think he had a point, which was that any group has to choose its battles strategically or risk blowing its public support.
Choosing to come down hard on an eternally optimistic and well-loved yellow sponge is not such a wise strategic move. It merely creates the impression that all those with a valid desire to raise their children according to a religion that does not condone, or even condemns, homosexuality are paranoid alarmists. Which is not true.
One might say who cares, the goal is not to be popular. It is more important to stay true to oneself. And anyway, Bush just won a second term and same-sex marriage initiatives failed across the nation. The Focus on the Family crowd must be doing something right.
But I'd venture that the same-sex marriage ballot flops had more to do with same-sex advocates themselves making this same mistake of being overly strident and extreme than with people wishing to punish Tinky Winky. I'd also be willing to bet that laying off SpongeBob and concentrating on more genuinely objectionable matters would do a lot to help Christian conservative activists achieve their goals.
Marni Soupcoff's column appears on Monday at TAEmag.com.
